


just a man with metal for a heart and blood for wings

by transtonystark



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Wings, Bucky Barnes Remembers, Bucky Barnes's Metal Arm, Hurt Tony Stark, James "Rhodey" Rhodes & Tony Stark Friendship, James "Rhodey" Rhodes is a Good Bro, M/M, Tony Stark Needs a Hug, Tony Stark-centric, he gets better though, steve is an ass, they're brothers okay, warning: sunset bain dates tony while he's underage, wing fic
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-18
Updated: 2020-08-18
Packaged: 2021-03-06 04:06:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,465
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25977178
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/transtonystark/pseuds/transtonystark
Summary: Tony was born with a bright red face and a shock of red feathers on his back. He knew what it looked like. A Stark branded with blood red wings. He could see the accusation in everyone’s eyes.After Afghanistan his wings turned black and suddenly everything was even worse. He could see the way Captain America watched him, his white wings flicking angrily behind him. It seemed like they would never get along until a certain James Barnes showed up alive on their doorstop. And that... changed everything.
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers, James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers/Tony Stark, James "Bucky" Barnes/Tony Stark, Steve Rogers/Tony Stark
Comments: 17
Kudos: 254





	just a man with metal for a heart and blood for wings

Tony was born with a bright red face and a shock of red feathers on his back. Howard was thrilled. It was all he could ever ask for in an heir. Red was strength and war and power and anger. He would be the perfect heir to Howard’s weapons company. He looked at his newborn son and saw the future, saw success. Maria was thrilled about her son’s red wings too. It meant that he would be a lover, would be passionate and fiery. Her legacy would live on, and her son would be connected emotionally in a way that her husband never was anymore with his straight grey wings. In a way, they were both right, but not in ways they enjoyed.

Tony started talking at a really young age. He was all big brown eyes and fluttery red wings and endless questions. As much as Howard wanted an heir, wanted a genius for a son, he didn’t have much patience for his son’s innocent curiosity. He had work to do. Often, he slammed the door in his son’s face while he was in the middle of asking about something. Maria had been excited about the passion her son would have, but it was hard to deal with in actuality. Her son seemed to be passionate about everything. It was exhausting. Most days, she shut herself in her room and turned all the lights off so Tony wouldn’t bother her.

Jarvis became Tony’s only friend. He always answered Tony’s questions to the best of his ability. He looked at Tony’s red wings and saw everything his parents’ saw, but he also saw the child in front of him. He saw the way that his red wings clearly showed the boy’s energy and attention and love. He wasn’t the perfect powerful son that his father wanted or the convenient soft boy that his mother craved. It saddened Jarvis because they’d never really given him a chance to live up to their expectations. Jarvis sat with Tony in the library and taught him to read. He taught Tony everything he knew until Tony was pouring over books all on his own. He treated Tony like he was his own son because he knew his own parents wouldn’t

Tony loved Jarvis so much. He had these huge chocolate brown wings that he always kept tucked behind his back. He always insisted it was professional, but Tony wished that he would wrap him up in them. He bet they would be the softest wings in the whole world. When Tony asked, Jarvis showed him the inside of his wings. His interior feathers were brown too. That day Tony looked up all of the different meanings of wing colors in his family’s library. When he found deep brown, it said stability and comfort and nature. Tony thought it suited Jarvis. When he found red wings, he was a little confused. He wasn’t angry or anything like that. He got a little teary over it. Jarvis found him and put his hand on his shoulder.

“Your wing color doesn’t define you. You could have the personality traits associated with your wing color, but that doesn’t make you who you are. You are more than those things, and some of those things won’t be true. It isn’t a science, Tony. One of the traits of grey wings is being quiet. Do you think that suits your father?”

Tony shook his head no. He always heard screaming matches from behind his father’s door.

“Exactly. Never let someone tell you who to be, especially over your physical appearance. You are your own person. Always remember that.”

Tony took that advice to heart and tried to never forget it, but it was hard. People always judged him based on his wing colors.

Tony built his first circuit board when he turned six. Tony wasn’t stupid. He knew that his dad wanted Tony to take over for him at his company one day. He thought his dad would be excited. Maybe he would even let Tony come down to the workshop sometimes. Tony had only ever been once, and it was one of favorite memories. All his dad did was let him hold stuff for him, but Tony learned so much. He wanted his own workshop. He had to build his circuit board on the floor of his room.

He knocked on his dad’s office door and hoped that he would answer. The door swung open to reveal his dad. He looked kind of angry, but maybe Tony could cheer him up.

“Dad, look what I made.” He took the circuit board and held it out.

His dad grabbed it and examined it. His dark brown eyes bore into Tony’s. He threw the board onto the ground where it shattered. Tony was frozen. He didn’t know what to do. He worked so hard on that, and his dad had just… ruined it.

Tony screamed when he felt a hand connect with his check. It was more shock than anything else. His jaw shook. His dad had hit him. He hit him.

“You expect me to be impressed by some circuit board. Build something useful, Anthony. God, you are such a disappointment.” He shook his head before he slammed the door.

Tony felt a couple tears roll down his face. Build something useful. His dad was probably talking about building something to help find Captain America. It was almost all he talked about. He talked about Stark Industries and Captain America. That was it. Tony used to be a big fan of Captain America. He was a real-life superhero with giant white wings. Aunt Peggy told him that sure they were white, but they had a blue tinge when the light hit them. His dad started talking about how much Captain America would have hated him. That made Tony upset. Tony ended up tearing up his Captain America posters that day. The perfect son that his father had always wanted. That’s how Tony thought of him.

He ran to the bathroom and looked in the mirror. He pressed his fingertips to his cheek. He was bleeding. A neat slice on his cheekbone. It must have been from his dad’s ring. He couldn’t stop looking at the blood. It was the same color as his wings. The exact same color. He wondered if that said something about him. He wrapped his wings around himself. He imagined that he was covered in blood. He shuddered.

He wondered for the first time if he had been born to bleed, it would not be the last.

-

Tony hated boarding school more than anything in the whole world. He was much smaller than all of the other kids. They all thought he was freaky and weird because of how young and how smart he was. His parents had taken the first possible opportunity to get rid of him, so he was stuck as a child in a sea of rebellious teenagers. He tried to make friends as best as he could but he could never seem to say the right thing. People either heard his last name and sneered or they looked at him with almost predatory eyes. He could recognize that. He wasn’t stupid. He’d been lectured by his dad before he was allowed to leave to go to school. They just wanted him for his money or hated him for his parents. The few people who didn’t recognize his last name just took one look at his red wings and turned back around.

He knew what it looked like. A stark branded with blood red wings. He could see the accusation in everyone’s eyes, the way his teachers watched him with weary sharp gazes like he’d already done something wrong just by showing up. He’d never built any weapons or hurt anyone, but it didn’t matter. He wore violence on his skin like a brand, had it stamped on the top of every form with the name Stark.

As much as he hated being away from Jarvis, and he did. He felt Jarvis’ absence like a gaping hole in his chest. He kind of liked being away from his parents. He loved them. He did, but he hated being around them. His father looked at him like he wished he never existed, and his mother looked at him like he was an echo of a dream, like he’d stolen the place of the son she wanted. He much preferred to be ignored then watched like that, so boarding school was kind of okay at first. He was the freak Stark kid, but his name did do the job of making his classmates a little afraid to mess with him.

People didn’t start to mess with him until he started screwing up the curves in classes. Then it was on. He got shoved into lockers, taunted, and sneered at wherever he went. He thanked his parents’ money for the small blessing that at least he didn’t have a roommate. He tried to shove his intelligence back inside and keep his mouth closed, but he wasn’t good at that. His desire to ask questions burned his lungs, and he always felt the answers to questions bubbling up in his throat whenever classes went quiet. It was a part of him. And he didn’t particularly want to snuff it out. He was supposed to be here to learn after all. And God did he want to learn.

He should have known better when a kind girl with the forest green wings invited him to watch the teens practice flying on the weekends, should have remembered that green doesn’t just mean safety, but it could also mean jealously. He should have remembered that wing colors don’t mean shit and everyone at this stupid place hated his guts. But he didn’t think about any of that, and instead saw this girl and her little smile and her small steady green wings and thought maybe this time he could finally make a friend. He was an idiot.

It was a trap. Obviously. And when the older boys started pushing him around and taunting him about the fact that he hadn’t gotten his coverts yet and wasn’t mature enough to fly. His wings weren’t done growing, weren’t even close yet since he hadn’t gone through puberty. Even though he was getting shoved around, he really didn’t expect to stumble and fall right out of the tower. He smashed into the ground without a chance to react. He stared at the blood pooling around his arm with numb eyes. He could feel the fight flooding out of his as the blood reached his feathers and started to pool there. The same damn color.

His parents were contacted while he was in the hospital. No one came to visit him. He got a phone call from his mom, lecturing him about starting fights and the family image. He would have hung up if he could muster enough feeling to move. He just didn’t really care. He just wanted to get to college as fast as possible. He figured he could probably graduate by the time he was fourteen if he kept his head down and just focused on working. So that’s what he did. Until he met Tiberius.

Tony was thirteen and so fucking close to getting out when he met the boy with watchful eyes and sickly yellow wings. Tiberius was sixteen with unruly blonde hair and a wide grin. He told Tony that he was second in their year just behind him. Tony prepared himself to get beaten up but Tiberius just laughed good naturedly and proclaimed them rivals. Tony tried to tell him that he didn’t really care about getting the top stop but was cut off.

“Chill Tony. I’m fucking around. Look, my dad’s a big tech dude too, and my wings make everyone think I’m a coward. We understand each other.”

Ty’s friendship brought more people into Tony’s life, but the one that mattered to him the most was Rumiko. Ru had soft brown eyes, sleek grey wings, and liked to talk about the motorcycle she was going to buy one day to piss her parents’ off. She was fantastic. Tony knew he was being pathetic by mooning over her, but he couldn’t help it. She was the coolest person he’d ever met. She wore leather jackets every day and didn’t think it was lame to sit next to Tony in class. After a while Tony got comfortable with his new friends. They were all just business men’s fuck up kids sent off until they were mature enough to matter again. They fit because they didn’t fit anywhere else.

One day Tony got confident enough to ask Ru out. He offered her a rose that he’d stolen from the teachers’ lounge because he thought she would get a kick out of it. Her nose crinkled when she laughed. Once she was done laughing, she surveyed him thoughtfully.

“Sure, why the hell not.” It wasn’t exactly the response Tony was hoping for, but he was ecstatic anyway because he was going to go on a date!

Ty laughed at Tony when he said that he and Ru had started dating, but he didn’t offer any commentary. Sometimes Tony caught Ty watching him with dark eyes after class or during midterms, but he shook it off. He wouldn’t have hung out with Tony for as long as he has if he didn’t like him. And he never said anything mean, not really. Some of his comments were a little hurtful, but not outright. Ty was just a little sharp around the edges.

Ru asked Tony if she could tell her parents’ they were dating. Tony didn’t really understand why she wanted to. They had only been dating a couple weeks and from what he understood they weren’t really close, but maybe she was just excited. Maybe she didn’t have a Jarvis to have hushed conversations with at night. So, he smiled and said sure as long as he didn’t have to talk to his own parents about it. Ru laughed and agreed. They had their first kiss at a diner right near their school while sharing a chocolate milkshake.

Life seemed really perfect. That’s when Tony should have remembered that his life was shitty as hell and nothing ever worked out how he wanted. He didn’t take it too personally when Ru broke up with him and told him that she thought they might be better as friends. It sucked sure, and he really liked her, but she still wanted to be his friend and so that was okay. He thought maybe she was right. Besides, he was graduating the next year, and it didn’t really make sense to get into a serious relationship before then. Ty was busy all weekend with something, so Tony waited until Monday to ambush him in his room. He needed someone to talk to about his breakup. He threw the door open already starting to shout the boys name when he stopped.

Ru was on Ty’s bed. Her perfect hair sticking up everywhere, and her leather jacket abandoned on the floor. Tony didn’t really understand. Ty was on the bed too and he was shirtless. He had lipstick smudged around the collar of his throat, a perfect match to the dark marks peeking out of Rumiko’s shirt. Hickies, his brain filled in. Ru’s face shifted to horror when she saw him standing there, but Ty’s smirk never faltered. Tony made a small sound from the back of his throat but couldn’t think of anything to say. These were his friends… weren’t they?

Ru was talking now, pleading “fuck Tony. I’m so sorry. I wasn’t thinking. I know that’s so shitty, but God, I wasn’t thinking. I’m really sorry. Tony, please.”

Ty didn’t see anything, but his wings were rising behind him in a clear sign of pride. For a minute it didn’t make sense, but then it clicked. Tony always ambushed Ty on Monday after he was gone for the weekend. Ty didn’t seem surprised when he walked in, wasn’t sorry. Ty had planned this.

“Guess I finally beat you in something huh Tony.” He said with a laugh like they were still friends. Like Tony was going to laugh off the fact that Ty had deliberately hooked up with his ex-girlfriend for the sole purpose of hurting him.

Tony’s wings were tucked as close as they could be behind him. He was Hurt. Hurt. Hurt. Hurt. And he knew his wings were broadcasting that loud and clear, but he didn’t care because he was used to getting hurt. At least this time there wasn’t any blood.

“Fuck you, asshole. I hope you have a fun life hanging out with people who despise you and hooking up with girls that pretend they can’t see the diseased pieces of shit you call wings in hopes that that might make you even the slightest bit attractive. But it won’t because you’re even worse on the inside than you are on the outside. You’re rotten, and you may think you’ve won, but we were never fucking competing. You have never surpassed me in anything because you’re not smart enough! We aren’t rivals; you’re just a jealous asshole. So, fuck you. Don’t talk to me ever again.”

Tony slammed the door closed and spent the rest of his time at school ignoring that Ty existed and gleefully claiming his spot as first in all of his classes, reveling in Ty’s silent fury. Ru came up to him a couple days after the blow up that cost him all of his friends. She apologized with a soft voice, but Tony shook his head. It wasn’t her fault not really. They weren’t dating anymore and sure it hurt his feelings, but she didn’t owe him anything. It wasn’t like she was in on the plan to humiliate Tony on purpose. That wasn’t her style. So, he forgave her with a smile. They were cool, but they didn’t talk again after that.

At their high school graduation, Tony got to give the graduation speech as the valedictorian. His parents were no shows, but Tony could see Jarvis’ warm brown wings in the audience. He smiled because he didn’t need friends. He just needed Jarvis. He allowed himself to forget about the parents he could hear whispering in the audience about how he must have hurt someone for his spot or paid his way through. He didn’t give a damn what they thought because he earned it, and he knew it, and that was all he needed.

-

Tony was thrilled to be going to MIT. He was going to get to learn more! And build robots! It was like his dream come true. But Tony wasn’t stupid. He’d lived through boarding school. He knew being a fourteen-year-old in college wasn’t going to bring him positive attention. He didn’t care though because Jarvis clapped a hand on his shoulder and whispered that Tony made him so proud, the proudest he’d ever been. He made someone proud. He made himself proud. He was ready for anything anyone threw at him.

Tony was worried about having a roommate. James Rhodes name flashed in his head over and over as he stressed about who the person would be that he would share a room with for the whole year. When he pushed open his dorm door while dragging his stuff in alone, he felt a flash of fear. James was standing next to the bed he had clearly picked unpacking his suitcase while presumably his family flittered around restlessly looking for things to do to avoid saying goodbye. Tony felt a pang of longing. Jarvis couldn’t come move in with him.

“He’s the family butler, Tony. It’s unbecoming.” His dad had said with a sneer. So Tony was dropped off the side of the road by a driver whose name he didn’t know and left alone to try to get all of his things up the stairs.

James turned to look at him with a smile, “Hi, are you Tony’s younger brother?” He held out his hand to shake.

James seemed perfectly nice, but Tony couldn’t help the scowl that took over his face. He was so tired of being looked down on and underestimated.

“Um, no. I’m Tony.” Tony didn’t shake his hand and James reeled back in shock.

“You’re Tony?” He asked incredulous. His family had stopped to stare at them, “Like my roommate?”

“Yes.” Tony crossed his arms self-consciously.

“You’re like twelve!” A girl exclaimed from behind them. Probably James’ sister.

“Jeanette, don’t be rude.” His mom admonished.

“I’m fourteen.”

Tony was officially done with this so he started lugging his things into the room from the hallway.

“Tony, honey, do you have anyone helping you move in?” The mom asked softly.

Tony’s head shot up, and he stared at her with a crinkle in between his eyebrows, his voice came out soft and confused “No. My parents were busy. Why?”

The woman visibly melted, “My name is Roberta, and I’m James’ mom. Terrence, can you help Tony carry his stuff in?”

“Of course.” The man who must have been James’ dad headed into the hallway instantly and carried the rest of Tony’s stuff in.

Tony was frozen in shock now. Why were they helping him? He wasn’t their kid.

James seemed to notice his unease, “Don’t worry about them. They’re worrywarts.”

“Right.” Tony sounded out the word slowly.

“Sorry about getting off on the wrong foot. I didn’t mean to imply you couldn’t go here I was just surprised. I’m James and I’m seventeen. I’m in aerospace engineering.”

The corner of Tony’s mouth turned up, and he took a moment to actually look at his roommate. He had big dark red wings hanging relaxed behind him. This was the first person that Tony had actually met with red wings. He wouldn’t judge Tony for his own. It made him a little more open to trust him. Tony’s grin grew bigger. He was cautious, obviously, but he had a good feeling about the boy across from him.

Tony and James were fast friends. After James saved Tony from getting punched after being a little too mouthy with a senior, Tony dubbed him Rhodey and just… let him in. Tony had never done that before and didn’t really know what was different about Rhodey, but he trusted him, he really did.

So, a year later when he finally grew the feathers on the inside of his wings, he checked them in the dorm room mirror. They were gold. Tony wanted to vomit. Blood and Gold. That’s what his soul was made of. He laughed hysterically until he was on the floor and his choked laughs started to turn to sobs. He was going to be just like his father. He had hoped that his inner feathers would be positive, but he should have known better than that. He’s destined to be a rich killing machine. He’s known that since he was old enough to understand that his dad built weapons for a living.

The door swung in and Rhodey threw his backpack on the floor and darted over to him.

“What’s wrong Tones? What happened? Are you hurt?” He was running his hands frantically over Tony’s arms looking for blood.

“I’m bad.” Tony managed to whisper.

“What are you talking about?”

Tony flexed his wing and let Rhodey see the gold hiding amongst the red.

“You got them.” He whispered.

“They’re fucking gold, Rhodey. Blood and Money. That’s all I am. That’s all I’ll ever be.” Tony was crying even harder.

“That’s fucking bullshit, Tony. That’s bullshit. You can’t really think that.”

“But it’s true.” Tony felt like he’d cracked his ribs open and let Rhodey see all of the gross parts of himself he kept locked inside.

“No, it fucking isn’t, Tony. You know what I see when I look at your wings? Passion. I see the way you throw yourself into every single class you take. The way you spend all your time building things because you love it, because you can’t bear not to. You are the most passionate person I’ve ever met. I see energy, Tony. That frenetic energy you have when you’re in the middle of an inventing binge. Red wings are strength. And you are so fucking strong. Not everyone could handle being a genius as young as you are. You don’t let anyone intimidate you. And the bad shit associated with red wings? Anger doesn’t have to be negative. You get furious when people underestimate you or treat me bad. That’s not evil, Tones. And gold? Gold is generosity and success and compassion. You’re my brother, man. I love you. You’re a good person, and your wings reflect that. Fuck what anyone else says about it because I know you.”

Tony felt uncomfortably warm as he stared at his best friend, his brother. He was the first person to tell Tony his wings were a good thing other than Jarvis. He wrapped his arms around the older boy and squeezed as tight as he could. He was so fucking happy that Rhodey was in his life. He couldn’t believe he’d gotten so lucky. He loved him so much.

With the arrival of his gold feathers, he finally got a chance to start learning to fly. Rhodey was with him almost every day after classes to teach him. One of the days he was busy was the day he flew straight into Sunset Bain.

Sunset had short dark hair and bright green wings. She was wearing green tinted sunglasses and looked completely furious at being bowled over by some idiot underclassman.

“Sorry! Sorry! I’m still learning. I didn’t mean to! I’m Tony.”

“Sunset” She drawled. Her voice was smooth and deep. “You should buy me a drink to apologize.”

“Oh… um, okay.” Tony stuttered out.

Tony knew that it was weird on paper that Sunset was twenty-one, and he was only fifteen. But he was smart and mature for his age, he wasn’t like a typical fifteen-year-old. Sunset commented on it a lot, how old he seemed. And she seemed to really like him. It was only six year difference which wasn’t so bad. Sunset told Tony not to tell anyone and it made him think about dating Ru. He didn’t mind if she wanted to be a secret. She told him not to tell Rhodey and that made him feel uncomfortable. She clearly picked up on it and reassured him that it was only temporary. So, he said okay.

She told him that she loved him and he was so excited.

“If you love me…” That phrase was used a lot. But Tony did love Sunset, so he did what she asked.

He didn’t think twice before telling her what she wanted to know about Stark Industries. They were laying in bed, and he just said it. He was so stupid.

When he read in the papers that someone had broken into Stark Industries, he froze. He confronted her, and she just laughed at him. He was thirteen, staring at Ty’s smirking face again. He was so stupid. Just because Rhodey was good didn’t mean anyone else was. He fled. When he reached his dorm, he told Rhodey everything.

Rhodey held him while he cried, told him that Sunset was the bad one, that no twenty-one-year-old should want to date a fifteen-year-old, that he wasn’t stupid, that she’d manipulated him. He told him it wasn’t his fault. Tony cried. He had the best brother in the whole world. At least he had Rhodey for when things got fucked up. He decided then and there that Rhodey was going to be the only person he shared his gold feathers with. He didn’t want to show anyone else only for them to stab him in the back. He didn’t think he could handle it.

Tony was sixteen when he built Dum-E and gained another family member. Dum-E was his kid and fuck anyone who implied anything else. Rhodey was delighted with Dum-E’s presence in their life and took it upon himself to be the robot’s weird second dad. He taught Dum-E how to play fetch and other games. Tony was just waiting for the day he’d come back from class and find them playing baseball together on the quad.

The rest of their college experience was pretty lowkey. Nothing like the early years. When they graduated, Tony had Jarvis and Rhodey’s entire family cheering for him in the crowd. He felt more whole than he ever had before. He had a family.

Rhodey leaving for the air force was a punch in the gut even though Tony had known it was coming since the day they moved in together and started talking about their lives. But college was over, and he had to come to terms with that. He had to be okay with the fact that Rhodey was going to be gone most of the year, and he was going to start working for his father. It was like his worst nightmare, but it was reality, so he was just going to have to cope. 

-

When Tony turned twenty-one, his life fell apart. He got a call that there had been an accident, and they were sorry, but they needed him to come identify the bodies. Tony was numb when he hung up the phone. He left the house in his pajama pants and two different pairs of shoes. He didn’t feel real. He drove there. He knew he did but he couldn’t remember it. They led him back and pulled the sheet away from the first body. It was Howard. He knew it would be. His dad was laying there. Cold and Dead and he wanted to know what the fuck happened. He questioned the coroner.

“Looks like drunk driving. They ran into a tree.”

Tony stilled. The man pulled the sheet off the second body. It was his mom. His breath stuttered in his chest. He was never close with either of his parents, but he didn’t want them to be dead. He wanted a chance to be the son his mom wanted. To make her proud at the very least.

“Who is the third body?” Tony asked. His voice sounded far away from his own ears.

“That’s what we were hoping you could help with. He was in the passenger seat.”

He pulled the sheet off and Tony’s world f e l l a p a r t.

Because it was Jarvis on that table. His wings spread out behind him like an angel in a way they never were when he was alive. He said Edwin Jarvis completely removed from himself and left the building. He drove himself home. Only when he was inside did he allow himself to completely fall apart. He was screaming and sobbing, and he didn’t have anyone to call because Rhodey was deployed, and he didn’t have any other friends. Fucking drunk driving. Howard killed Jarvis and his mom and himself. A fucking murderer until the end. It wasn’t enough to make Tony’s life hell while he was alive, he was still hurting him. He managed to do the one thing that Tony couldn’t handle, couldn’t get back up from. He didn’t know how to live without knowing Jarvis is out there. There were so many things he wanted to say to the man, to thank him for. He thought he would have time, but he didn’t. He never got to tell Jarvis that he thought of him as a father, loved him more than anyone else in the world.

He threw up on the floor.

Howard and Maria’s funeral was a giant media spectacle. He was filmed at the podium while he said some bullshit about how he was going to honor Howard’s legacy and carry on in his name. The funeral was just a PR stunt to bring the public around to Tony taking over the company. It had nothing to do with who his parents were as people. It had nothing to do with the fact that it was his mom and dad. He was alone. Tony wasn’t technically family, so Rhodey wasn’t able to get leave. He’d gotten a phone call from his brother that morning, and Tony spent the whole time crying about Jarvis being gone.

He felt more alone than he ever had before staring at a sea of people in black with crocodile tears slipping down their faces, their wings tucked behind their backs in a bullshit show of mourning that he knew none of them really felt. Howard was a bastard and a competitor. The only reason any of these people were sorry he was dead was because he was a source of money. Even Tony wasn’t really sorry he was dead, and he was standing there doing the eulogy. It was a joke, and none of these people knew his mom. They knew the beautiful woman who stood silently beside his father, and that wasn’t who she was. She was a bad mom. He knew that. But she wasn’t a bad person. She didn’t deserve to die. She deserved to be remembered as more than just Howard’s wife.

Obie put his hand on Tony’s shoulder. Tony’s body shuddered. His uncle was the only person he had left besides Rhodey. Obie was always more interested in the company than he was in him, but he wasn’t a bad person either. He took a blind eye to the way Howard treated Tony, but Howard was technically his boss, and he never treated Tony like that. He allowed the contact and tried not to scowl at his father’s grave. He didn’t deserve flowers or speeches or anything. He was so furious at him, but he was the maddest about the fact that he couldn’t hate his dad. Not really. He wanted to so bad, but he still felt that hollow place in his gut when he thinks about his dad being dead. He didn’t like his dad. He was an asshole and abusive and greedy, but he was still his father. He would have liked a chance to have closure. To free himself from the ghost of Howard hanging over his shoulder telling that he didn’t deserve the feathers on his back, that he was pathetic. But he couldn’t. He just had to live in stasis. It was quite possibly the cruelest thing Howard had ever done to him.

Jarvis’ funeral was different. It was Ana and Tony standing over his tombstone praying and crying and talking to him like he was still there to hear it. Ana was crying, and Tony knew that she must have blamed him. It was his family that murdered her husband, but she didn’t show it. She tucked Tony under her soft pink wings like she knew that Tony considered Jarvis to be his dad. Tony felt ten again, lost and alone in the world. It was there that Tony truly let himself grieve for what he lost. He lost the only family he had ever known. It was raining, and Tony refused to think about what that meant. He cried and didn’t even try to pretend like it was just the rain. He just knelt on the wet ground and tried to summon the courage to stand up and face that all he had left of the man was a stone and the mud caked onto his legs. 

He went off the rails once he was home and the loneliness started creeping in. He got drunk and high and went to parties to try and convince himself that being in a sea of people meant he wasn’t alone. He fucked around and tried to forget that the only time he was ever touched was in someone else’s bed. It didn’t matter. Nothing did. Because Jarvis was gone, and Rhodey wasn’t there. 

He watched the news calling him a slut with hollow eyes. He watched the panels on whether or not he was fit to run a company, on how Obie was really the one running things, on how his parents’ death may have damaged him irreparably. He watched a tv anchor laugh and say that they all really should’ve seen this coming with wings that color. Playboy is in the DNA. He didn’t laugh, but he wasn’t angry either. He wasn’t anything unless he was high or drunk. He knew he couldn’t go on like this, but maybe he didn’t want to. He kind of wanted it to be over. 

His life changed when he met Pepper Potts.

He was sitting in his office, unusually sober when he heard shouting outside.

A woman’s voice screamed “If you don’t let me in right fucking now, I will pepper spray you in the face don’t think I won’t!”

Then the door slammed open.

Tony thought belatedly that he was probably going to have to fire his security team because it shouldn’t have been that easy for her to get in.

She was disgruntled and furious and her wings were flared out behind her. They were a pretty blue/purple color. She had a stack of papers in her hand that she threw on his desk. One of the pages slid onto the floor.

She informed his as politely as one could while security was trying to escort them out that he was a disaster, and there was a math mistake in that paperwork he hadn’t caught, and it would have cost the company hundreds of thousands of dollars if she hadn’t caught it.

He said ok and asked if she wanted to be his assistant.

She told him if he was looking for just a pretty face then he could take a hike and her resignation.

He shook his head and admitted in a rare show of honesty that he needed someone to help him manage this position, and she was the most competent person he’d met in the company.

She shook his hand and introduced herself as Virginia.

Tony just responded with “Pepper.”

She flushed at the fact that he had heard her and then said, “yeah, alright. Virginia’s kind of stuffy anyway.”

Tony laughed genuinely for the first time since his whole family died.

He got the same warm feeling in his gut looking at Pepper that he did when he met Rhodey for the first time. Against all logic he trusted the feeling.

He was glad he did.

-

Tony was making weapons. It was for the good of the company, it was for American soldiers, he wasn’t actually killing anyone. He used all of the excuses that he hated his dad for. He inherited a legacy of blood and money, and he just kept going. He knew Rhodey didn’t see it that way, would have told him if he did. Especially now that he was the liaison between the military and Stark Industries. It didn’t matter though. Tony had blood on his hands even if no one could see it. He knew it was there. He was fucking Macbeth scrubbing at blood even when no one else could see it.

He would have screamed out damned spot like the comedian he was if he didn’t keep coating his hands over and over. If he was actually trying to wash it off, but he wasn’t, and that was the worst part really. He was his own worst fears. Whenever he felt like this, he usually just had a drink and wasn’t that just another layer to his failure. Another Stark drunk. He was carrying on the legacy alright. He laughed and tried to ignore the ringing of his phone. Obie always got mad when he expressed his concerns, laughed it off. Tony couldn’t even look at his own reflection, and Obie was prouder than he’d ever been. Wasn’t that always what he wanted? Someone to be proud of him? Obie was proud. Pepper was proud. Rhodey was proud. He should have been happy, but he wasn’t. He wasn’t.

He was in Afghanistan when it happened. His Humvee was attacked. The kid soldiers were slumped dead around him. There was so much blood. It was all over him, pooling in the floor of the car and spilling out the doors. He was going to drown; he was going to die, and all he could think was he deserved it, he deserved it, he deserved it. He would have a funeral just like fucking Howard’s and no one would remember who he really was just like Maria, and it would be exactly what he deserved.

He stumbled into his own bomb and stared at his name on the side. He thought about how when he was a kid, he thought it was so unfair that being stamped with Stark in his name was like being branded with death. Now he knew they were all right. He thanked everything that Rhodey wasn’t in the same Humvee with him. He didn’t deserve to die, to watch his brother die. He would rather die alone than force Rhodey to be there with him.

He woke up and the world was on fire. His chest was open and he was screaming. Fuck, he was in hell. He deserved it, he knew he did, but he wanted it to end so bad. He was pleading, begging, screaming. He wanted to pass out, but he was pretty sure dead people didn’t pass out, so he was shit out of luck. It went on for what seemed like days before his eyes slipped closed and everything was black again. 

He woke up with a car battery attached to his chest. He couldn’t really wrap his head around how completely fucked up it was that they’d cut a hole in his chest, shoved metal into it, only to tell him that we would probably only live a week more. They should have let him die, but they didn’t. He was just a man with metal for a heart, blood for wings, and death soaked in his skin. His wings were all fucked up too. He knew they were. They felt gross and wrong, but he couldn’t bring himself to look at them.

Yinsen had small beige wings and wasn’t content to let Tony walk around like he was a ghost trapped in a body he’d already died in. They told him they wanted him to make weapons, and Tony thought now was probably time to do the thing he’d always wanted to which is to tell everyone to fuck off and that he would never make another weapon again. They did not like that response.

The waterboarding sucked, and even after it was over, the water still wouldn’t leave his lungs. He coughed alone, forehead touched to the sand like a silent prayer, even though he was thinking about nothing beyond the desire to fucking breathe like normal again.

The next time they took him for his daily torture they pushed him in a little too vigorously and the car battery touched the water. His body seized with electric shock, but they still didn’t let him up. He would have laughed if he had the air. He was feeling the hysterical panic fill his body, but it didn’t have anywhere to go. He didn’t really live in his body, hadn’t since that bomb had gone off. His body was a convenient vessel for metal and water and electricity and whatever other shit they wanted to shove into it.

They took him to see of all his weapons that they had stockpiled, and he felt something again, felt anger and thought maybe this was the moment his whole life was leading up to, the reason he was born with blood red wings. Because he was so angry. He’d never felt like this before. He felt the fury thrumming in his bones. He agreed to make them weapons with a feral grin, but they didn’t notice, too caught up in reveling in their own victory. Their mistake.

He built the arc reactor and let Yinsen shove it into his chest. A heart made from bombs carved in his chest. It was poetic, he guessed, but it just pissed him off even more. He would carry the burden though because someone had to. He made this mess, and he was going to fucking clean it up or die trying.

Once he knew he was going to live, the anger flowed even more freely through his body. His captors must have noticed something because they were murmuring to each other. They pressed his face into the ground and pinned his arms. He shifted his gaze to Yinsen who looked horrified. Fuck. Not good then. Suddenly pain surged through his wings, and he was screaming. There were two awful snapping sounds, and his wings wouldn’t open right. Fuck they broke his wings. If he had access to a hospital it would be okay. They could splint it, and he would heal. The look on Yinsen’s face made it clear to Tony that he would not be receiving any first aid. He would heal in this cave if infection didn’t set in, but he would never fly again. There was no way he could finish his escape plan in time. His wings weren’t going to be able to help him fly through the desert to safety. His wings would never be able to help him fly again. He choked on his grief. He didn’t have time to mourn because he needed a change of plans. He was going to figure it out. He had to.

Yinsen was silently crying for him in the corner. It wasn’t often that someone lost their ability to fly. It was a tragedy, an unspeakable horror. It was an easy thing to prevent if you weren’t kidnapped and dying.

The anger in his chest collapsed into grief. He couldn’t sustain it.

He was molting. He knew he was. He couldn’t pay attention to it. He was busy building. The red feathers fell to the floor around him. A parody of bleeding out. Ironic or whatever. That night Yinsen told him in a soft voice that he’s changed colors. He looked down at his wings in horror. It wasn’t often that people’s wings changed colors either. Almost unheard of in its rareness. People said it only happens due to trauma or some identity shifting event. Big enough to change someone’s soul. It was bullshit because colors meant nothing and the colors shifting obviously had to be something biological not fucking soul magic, but Tony couldn’t quite believe his own logic. Because there taking the place of his blood red feathers were feathers of solid black. Great. He was a walking death omen. He was hollowed out, and the very thing that was supposed to represent his soul turned black.

It was okay. Problem for later. He didn’t need anger when he had cold determination. He would escape, and he would kill anyone who got in his way. He wasn’t expecting Yinsen to die. He didn’t want him to die.

“Don’t waste your life.”

And fuck it. He could honor the man’s dying wish. He would. He killed the rest of their kidnappers for Yinsen, for Yinsen’s family had no one left to remember them.

He stumbled through the desert on burning feet. He felt his wings folded against his back as close as they could be. He could feel the way they bent wrong. He wanted to fly so bad, but he couldn’t, so he just kept stumbling forward. Step. Just step forward. Don’t think. Just keep walking.

“Tony!”

Tony’s head snapped up and suddenly he was laughing because it was Rhodey running towards him. Of course, it would be Rhodey who saved him. It always was. He was a little delirious from the sun and dehydration and torture, but he hoped to god this was real. He needed it to be.

Rhodey made contact, and Tony fell to his knees in relief.

“Can we still be brothers even though my wings aren’t red?” Tony slurred out.

“We’re always going to be brothers you fucking idiot.” Rhodey hugged him fiercely. “Next time you ride with me.”

Tony nodded as best he could. He was fading now that Rhodey was here. The adrenaline was leaving his body, and he didn’t have anything left to give. Rhodey picked him up and sprinted towards a helicopter. They were going home. Tony was going home. It’s what he had been working towards the whole time he had been captured, but it had felt like a distant dream. This was real. Tony closed his eyes.

-

It had never been a question for Tony about whether or not he was going to shut down weapons manufacturing. He had said in the cave he wouldn’t make weapons again, and it wasn’t a lie. He wasn’t going to fucking do it. He sat on the stage and announced it to the world without talking to anyone because for the first time Tony truly didn’t give a shit about anyone else’s opinion. Pepper and Rhodey were furious, thought he was reacting crazy from being tortured. He didn’t care. He loved them, but he couldn’t do this for them, wouldn’t. If the choice to stop making weapons ended their relationship then it was a price he would have to pay.

That night at home he stared at his wings in the mirror. He could still fold them up fine, but they couldn’t fully extend, never would again. His gold was gone. In its place was bright electric blue. Tony laughed until he cried. They were arc reactor blue.

He went out in the suit again to stop more people with his weapons. He painted it red and gold. A tribute. Besides it made sense. He could fly in the suit and would never fly on his own again, painting it after his wings only made sense. The public started calling him Iron Man. He would take it.

It turned out it was Obie behind being kidnapped. Because why the fuck not? Just another betrayal in a long line. He felt something crack inside of him and didn’t think it could ever be repaired. There was only so much betrayal one person could take. Tony was pretty sure he had just reached his limit.

Coulson told him he needed to keep a secret identity, say Iron Man was a bodyguard. Tony was going to. He really was. But in front of the camera’s he knew what he needed to do.

“I am Iron Man.”

**Author's Note:**

> And here's chapter one! Leave a comment if you're enjoying it. Don't worry the Avengers are coming in the next chapter.


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